Christian Dating Hack: Don’t Build a Marriage in Your Head After the First Coffee Date ☕🙃
We’ve all been there. First date, good vibes, laughs over flat whites and suddenly your mind is hosting a full-blown wedding planning session. The flowers, the venue, your future last name, the kids’ names, even what suburb you’ll live in. 🐶 And yes, maybe you’ve even practised writing your new last name before he’s even asked you out.
As a Christian woman navigating dating, I’ve learned the hard way that letting fantasies run away with you can be dangerous for your heart. Dreaming is natural, but building an entire future on assumptions about someone you’ve just met can set you up for disappointment, or worse, blind you to who they really are.
Here’s the hack: keep the first coffee just that - the first coffee.
Stay curious, not assumptive. Ask questions, listen, observe. Let the person reveal themselves over time.
Check your thoughts. If you catch yourself planning a honeymoon, pause and pray. Ask God to help you focus on reality, not projections.
Guard your heart. Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Your imagination is powerful - use it wisely.
In my short-lived but intense relationship earlier this year, I learned an even deeper truth: I am in control of my thoughts. I’ve always been a romanticiser - Disney films, rom-coms, and years of dreaming about “how it would be” had trained me to imagine the perfect meet-cute, the swoon-worthy gestures, the fairy-tale endings.
As the relationship progressed, I had to actively manage my thoughts. I reminded myself to only dwell on what had actually happened: the next phone call, the kind text he sent, the date planned for the weekend.
It was my responsibility to not allow myself to fantasise about things that hadn’t been promised yet. Sure, imagining the perfect future feels good (and well deserved after waiting so long) but it turns something simple into something complicated, inflates small gestures into monumental signs, and pressures both hearts unnecessarily.
Ladies - if we want men to make the first move, to lead, and to pursue us in a healthy, Christ-centred way, then we must be responsible with our thoughts. A coffee date is just a coffee date - until it isn’t. Staying present, grateful, and grounded keeps our hearts safe and allows real love to grow naturally, without pressure or fantasy.
Dating with a secure mindset means giving someone the chance to show who they really are without loading them with your life story before it’s time. It’s about balancing hope and excitement with patience, discernment, and trust in God’s timing.
So next time you’re on a first date, sip that flat white, enjoy the conversation, and let tomorrow’s dreams wait for a few more coffees. It’s a small discipline that can save a lot of heartache and help you stay faithful, hopeful, and sane in the beautiful, messy world of Christian dating.
x Kate
