Is physical attraction and outward appearance important when dating?
The age old saying, ‘beauty is but skin deep’ still rings true and the bible refers to this idea on a number of occasions. In Proverbs 31:30, it speaks of the importance of not being swayed by a person’s charm and that beauty fades.
In 1 Samuel 16, we are reminded that God looks into the heart of a person, whilst we look at the outward appearance and in 1 Peter 3:3, we are encouraged to not focus too much on how we look on the outside, but instead to clothe ourselves with the “beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
However, without diminishing the importance of focusing on heart and character, it is also worthy to note that physical attraction also plays a role in dating. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by a creative God, and God has created us to appreciate beauty.
Think of a stunning sunset, breathtaking views from a mountain top, a joyously embellished decorated cake, an intricately painted artwork or a glamorous outfit. We naturally gravitate towards the beauty that is before us and that we feel connected to.
It is ok to desire to meet someone whom we are physically attracted to. Whenever I have mentioned to someone that, “I know it is the person’s character, personality and heart that matter, but I also need to be physically attracted to that person in order for it to work. I mean, if we end up getting married, I’ll be waking up next to him for the rest of my life!”, it tends to provoke a negative response.
It sounds completely outrageous when you say it out loud, but it is absolutely true. There needs to be a degree of attraction on a physical level for a relationship to work.
This by no means negates the importance of looking at the inner life, the heart. An inner beauty that overflows in “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12-14).
An inner beauty which is formed out of a deep intimacy with God and outwardly expresses itself through the person’s character, behaviour, words and fruit. This is first and foremost, the best thing you need to be looking for in someone.
Having said that, we are to look after our spiritual, mental, emotional, physical health and well-being because, “our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
It is vital that we take care of our bodies, both internally and externally —- spend time building your spiritual formation, eat healthily, exercise and yes, make an effort to look presentable. Take pride in how you look – have a shower, get a haircut, dress to impress! (You already do when going for a job interview, so this is no different).
It takes around seven seconds to make a first impression (Psychology Today, 2025), so make it count!
Physical attraction and outward appearances are important in the dating/relationship scene but they are not the sole aspects you need to be focusing on when meeting someone.
Dive deeper, get to know someone beyond the surface level and discover their true beauty.
Mec-Lynn x
